It seems to run in the family....

I wonder how many spouses of military members suffer from depression? It seems to be a common thing. Many wives have shared their doubts and saddness with me. Of course not all of them have told me they are depessed sometimes you can just see it on their faces.

No one prepares you to be a Military spouse. No one prepares you with the struggles and the choices you will have to make. No one tells you that there will be days that you rob Peter to pay Paul. No one tells you that there are times you will go nearly 3weeks without getting paid.

You know he will deploy and you know you will move, probably several times. But you don't realize how many times your heart will be broken by the friends you leave behind. You trade in good schools for bad ones, and bad neighbors for good ones. You take it all with a grain of salt. You get good and you get bad. It's when things turn ugly you wonder why you enlisted for this.

I love my husband and I was so glad to be coming home, but it seems that coming home has been full of dissappoints. I have made great friends again, but it seems no one has time for me. I feel I always have to go out of my way to speak to others and that no one ever wants to take the time to come to me. I feel left out and left behind. I feel like I am in high school again trying to fit in. Like I am competing just to have a friend who cares for me. Am I a bad person? I know my self esteem has taken a beating over the years and everyone thinks they have the answers for me, all I know is it seems that people don't stay around long enough to get to know me. The real me, I have been labeled by people, making me question who I am. I feel overwhelmed. I miss having someone to call and talk to. Someone I feel like wants me to call. Now days it seems like everyone is too busy or their friendships are already built and so they have no time for me. Or maybe even no room! I don't get invites, I don't get calls. Instead I get a boken heart, because I feel like I try so hard to love others and find joy in the simplest of things.

I wonder how many others go through this? How many wives feel like they have lost so much from being a military spouse. Don't get me wrong I love my husband and he is an AWESOME friend but he is not a GIRL! Girls need girl talk and girl time....