Have you ever had a day where you just snap. You wake up on the wrong side of the bed and everything that could go wrong seems to go wrong. Well last week I had one of those days, and totally snapped on a harmless person. Someone who was only trying to help. I didn't feel good after I snapped on her, I felt horrible! Even more so when my husband spoke to the lady a few days later and she told him that she felt bad for the rest of the day. She had admitted she made a mistake, and felt bad about not looking into the situation further.
I am most certain that my light was not shining that day. Most days I try to live in a Godly manner, or at least in a way that others see a difference in me. Sometimes it is harder than it seems. When I first moved into my neighborhood, I had a friend who constantly called me her "Christian Friend." At first it didn't bother me but after awhile it seemed as if it was something bad. It was obvious I wasn't being invited on outings because of the label she had placed on me. Not that the places they were going or the things they were doing were horrible, it just seemed out of character for a "Christian Friend" to do. I like to dance, to see movies and yes some of them are R rated.
I am sure I fail God Daily, but that is the beauty of it, my sins are forgiven. When I get on my knees and I pray to him, my sins are washed away. For some time now I have battled with going to church. It seems like I am getting further and further away from the church. My heart pulls away when I feel like I am not wanted, it could be insecurities, but I don't feel welcome. Sometimes I feel Like I am back in high school trying to fit in and I never do. I don't think God meant for his church to be that way. I long for a place that welcomes us and truly misses us when we are gone. Sometimes we all need someone to pound on the door of our hearts. Sometimes we need to feel like we are needed. Those in cliques have their circle of friends and can easily call up someone if they are having trouble. For those on the outside who call for help, well lets just say it seems like no one is there to listen. The longer we aren't there, the more it seems we go unnoticed and that hurts.
As for the lady whose day I ruined, I am going to make her some sweets and get her a card to apologize. It seems like the least I could do. Most people now days won't even admit when they have done something wrong and yes it may be a few days after the incident but God has been dealing with me, so I must at least try to make it right.
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