There are sometimes in life when it feels like you are all alone. Even in such a world with all the sites that connect you to others like Face book there are times I feel alone. I know that I am not, I have a husband and children who I feel love me dearly. But something is missing. I pray to God, I believe in God, and I do occasionally pull out my Bible and read the scripture. I am not a perfect person, and I am no where near a perfect Christian.
As I sit here with tears rolling like a river down my face I feel empty, I feel like no matter what I do it's not good enough. Somehow I managed to get myself into a tangled web of words this week and felt almost as if I were cyberbullied. Ha Ha go ahead and laugh. Yes I am 33, and I felt very uncomfortable about having to explain a post I made on a Face book page. The comment made was a positive one. It wasn't anything bad, but I felt as if the comment after mine was trying to put me in my place. My heart ached and still does. I wasn't trying to cause a war of words with anyone. But that is what it feels like in my heart right now. I feel hurt, I feel like anything I say really doesn't matter. Which is a hard pill to swallow. When other comments were made on other pages, I couldn't help but wonder if I was being the butt of some peoples jokes. I guess that is the bad thing about being on a networking site, unless you ask you don't know if you are the butt of their joke. At this point I don't want to know. I have already hurt and cried enough over it.
But I do want to know why people keep you around (on Face book) if you are only there to be the butt of their jokes. It use to be a fun place. A place where I would catch up with all my old friends and even chat with a few from time to time. It seems now it hurts me more than anything. I mean come on, you can feed your fake chickens but you can't pick up a phone when I call? A friend told me the other day you don't have to have a dozen friends just a few real good ones. Well, here is my response. Why does it seem the good ones always come and go? People are there for you when you are sick or someone dies..... why can't they be there for you any old regular day? Maybe I have been fooling myself, maybe friends are overrated and I should just stop calling or stop caring?
It's not in my character so that won't happen.
But I do need a break. I need to do some spiritual healing. I need to worry about myself for once instead of everyone else. I have on several occasions asked for addresses and phone numbers and I thank those who sent theirs. I think you will be pleasantly surprised soon. At least I hope you will. As for Face book, I am saying see you later, for awhile. Why see you later, because it's not dead to me yet. I will be going down a road less traveled one that consists of quiet time and blogs. One that takes me far away from the hurt that has been caused by something that started out to be my escape. I am giving the reigns to my husband, I am asking that he change the password and not give it to me. As I know my own weaknesses. I hope everyone understands it is something I need to do for me. It is obvious if something can affect you as deeply as this simple spat has me it's time to let go.
Please pray for me and please know that my words are never mean to offend, hurt, or embarrass anyone. I would like to continue to post my blog updates on the Face book but that will be determined by Mike.
Ready for a Change,
Melissa
2 comments:
Baby, this is why friends are not just a click. We call them friends, because FB and other social networking sites have given us the illusion that they are friends. In the midst of that fantasy we start to expect that those people in that friend column; all those on the buddy list will behave as friends- whether it's our expectations that are at fault, FB or living in a world where our relationships are a convienence and require no responsibility or accountability, I will say that God doesn't ever waste a motion.
As bad as it feels to be treated unkindly to be ignored or ridiculed, the fact that God is drawing you to re-connect with Him is the important part. Go with that, because in the end it's the one relationship that matters and the one that can deepen all others.
Try not to be too focused on others behavior- when Jesus was dying He looked at all the people around Him; people who had promised to love Him, people who had hailed Him as King only a week before, strangers who claimed they loved God more than anything yet were were spitting on His Son. Imagine the "Friend or Buddy list" He would have had. But in the end He was virtually alone. Still He said "Father forgive them, they don't know what they're doing." Most people don't know, don't care or don't realize what they're doing. You go with what you know and if all you know are shallow relationships, that's what you bring to the table.
Take this time and enjoy God. Realize that He called you friend long before this moment when you decided you needed a real one.
Melissa-I feel the same way alot. Especially after moving here. I will always feel blessed to call you friend. You have always been an ear to listen and a shoulder to cry on. We had a lot of good times in FL. People that make you the butt of their jokes lack self esteem themselves. That is that is their way of making themselves feel better. People that bully others are cowards. Please don't let them discourage you from knowing who your real friends are. You are a very sweet person with a huge heart. I know you would do anything to help anyone. Keep your chin up and know that I love ya.
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