Mistakes

No one ever said parenting is easy. We make decisions daily that effect not only our lives but our children's lives. We choose their clothes, the things they watch on TV and so much more. Often times we try to make decisions that will help them and instead cause more trouble. My son Chase has always been musically inclined. He has been brave enough to play piano in front of a packed house. Chase was only about 8 when we went in front of our church and played silent night. I was so impressed because Chase had never had one lesson on the piano. Chase has taught himself everything he knows on his piano. Knowing this I thought it was the right decision to put him into one of the best schools in Jacksonville, for music. Being a military family we are first pick for Magnet school programs. (for my friends out of state these are schools that specialize in certain areas, whether it be music, sports, JROTC, etc)

The first year Chase did well, in 6th grade he struggled at times but no more than he had in the past. His grades weren't perfect but you could tell he was trying hard and doing for the most part his best. This year he took a nosedive. He was struggling to keep his math grade up and I tried to contact the teacher only to not get any responses. Just before Christmas break I decided to check the grade portal (this is a valuable tool for parents to be able to check their child's grades as soon as the teacher has updated them) I nearly fell off my chair when I saw 5, five, cinco, F's staring me in the face. I wanted to cry. I had no idea Chase was doing so badly in school. I felt like a failure as a parent. I felt like I was missing something. I checked the grade portal often. I knew Chase had struggled in Math the first nine weeks because he ended that nine weeks with a D. I tried to contact his teacher for a conference and was told "we don't need to have a conference, Chase just needs to stop being lazy and do the work." As Chase brought homework home I began to see him struggle. I had an on-line tutor help him out a few times. I let the teacher know he was struggling with the work and he said that another teacher in the room was spending alot of time with Chase trying to get him where he needed to be.

At the beginning of the 2nd nine weeks there was a message on the answering machine. It was Chase and his teacher was in the background, telling Chase every word to say. Apparently Chase had left his homework in his locker and the teacher felt he needed to make an example of the fact he didn't have it with him in the classroom. He made Chase call the cell phones, and then the home phone to leave that message. We (Mike and I) could just picture this teacher standing over Chase making him feel like he was worthless. IT WAS THE FINAL STRAW!!!

It was at that very moment we decided to pull him out of that school and bring him to his home school. IT was a hard decision..... it was excruciating. As parents, our tummies were so nervous for several reasons. Chase has often been labeled a loner. He keeps to himself. HE is very respectful and rarely gets into trouble. He has a hard time making friends for the simple fact that he is not your typical boy. He's not one for sports, he finds joy in other things like his music. Most boys his age don't understand that at all. So instead of trying to understand they will just use it against him and tease him for being different. Even after confiding in so called friends about Chase's grades they had their own opinions, one even said "I can tell you from experience if he has that many F's it's him and not a problem with the teachers." She is a teacher herself. So I began to wonder, what is wrong with my son. We met with doctors and counselors and had teachers fill out surveys to see if he may have ADD or ADHD. When we made the final decision to take him out of the Magnet school, it was spread around our neighborhood that he was kicked out because of his grades. As if it wasn't bad enough that Chase was struggling, and we were trying to help him we had the rumors to compete with.

It was done, we made our decision and pulled Chase out of the school and transferred him to the one closer to our home. My husband met with the principle of the Magnet school and she told him he was making a huge MISTAKE. "You are taking him out of an A school and putting him into a B school. Of course, in the back of our minds we had to wonder if we were doing the right thing. But as Mike and Chase were leaving the school, Chase ducked under a window of a door they were passing. When Mike questioned Chase on why, he said that was the Math teacher, and he didn't want the teacher to see him. My heart skipped a beat when Mike told me the story. Why did he feel he had to hide from that MAN? Students should not be afraid of their teachers. Chase knew he was leaving that school and he would not have to ever go to his class again but he hid from him? WHY? IT still boggles my mind to this day.

This is where the story takes a turn. I am glad to say we made the right decision.

Chase started his new school and his grades are improving by leaps and bounds. I know some people might think the new school probably behind or he doesn't have the same classes. All of the classes are the same all of his classes are advanced except for Band, PE, and Research. And as for Florida they have a law that states all school must follow the same curriculum so that they are all within 2 weeks of each other. After checking the Grade Portal on Friday I was nearly in tears when I saw his grades. 2 A's 4 B's and 1 C. IT was the right decision. He is a happier Chase! He smiles more, he doesn't get angry as often, and oddly enough he has been talking about his friends more and "look out" even talking about girls! I think my son is finally back to his normal self.

I honestly believe that the school he was in is a good school, but I also believe they expect way to much out of junior high students. IT should be a fun time. Instead it turned out to be a stressful time for Chase, that once young boy who was not afraid to play music in front of anyone, became intimidated and scared to play music alone. The pressure of messing up, started to outweigh the fun. I hate that for a short period he lost it and I am hoping he will gain that confidence again.

Something I learned from this whole experience is that sometimes by trying to do something good for our children we place more pressure on them not allowing them to be children. We often say we don't want our children to grow up too fast and then we allow them to make decisions to young, like wearing make up, watching movies they shouldn't, and listening to music that isn't appropriate. I know as parents we can't be there all of the time but if we do the right thing, then our children will continue to make good choices even when they are not in our presence.
It is important to show them that we all make mistakes and that there are lessons to be learned from them all. We are not always going to make the right decision the first time. Sometimes not even the second time, but we will learn from each of them. And if not then we will likely make the mistakes again. We all need to know it's OK, mistakes only make us and keep us human!