Maybe I just wasn't ready?

Sometimes I wonder why things turn out the way they do and other days everything just falls into place. I went to a friends house before my doctors appointment today and there were women out in their yard having a gathering and I felt a sense of sadness. That use to be me. I use to be the Navy wife that was often in the yard chatting it up with the neighbors. As I looked around at the housing units I couldn't believe I was feeling like I missed all that. The close quarters, you could practically hear the conversations going on in the next house. The shared parking spaces that everyone wanted. The neighborhood park where the kids could play until dark, unless an argument brought them into tattle. As the old saying goes "you don't know what you got til it's gone." I could not wait to leave housing. I never really thought of Base housing as home. I thought I missed home. My home town, my church that I grew up in, and most of all my family.

I guess I never realized it but in military housing I felt like I belonged. I was an adult away from my family. I made my own decisions, and the decisions that others made didn't affect me as much as they do now that I am right here. It still echoes in my head the comment that a family member made to me years ago, "things will never be the same." The longer I live the more this rings true. Life throws curveballs left and right, when we moved to Florida I couldn't have imagined the way our lives would change..... it was like I am in a snowglobe and someone shook it and the pieces are still flying around me. My world turned upside down, I have never felt so out of place. Why was this happening? Why after all these years of trying to come home, to be closer to my family, and friends, why do I feel like I do not belong? Sometimes I feel like the piece of the puzzle that just doesn't fit, the piece that everyone tries to force fit because it looks like it should. I miss having people to talk too. People that understand me and keep their word. People that don't judge me for ranting. (because its just what I do) People that have walked a mile or more in my shoes.

So my feeling right now, maybe I just wasn't ready. Maybe I wasn't ready to come back to the real world. Maybe I got to comfortable in my Navy Wife lifestyle to come back into the real world. Maybe I was crazy for thinking that people on the outside could actually understand me. Maybe I am ready to move again, I think I am.