Being a Navy Wife you would think I would get use to chasing storm clouds away. There are so many struggles we face. In a hurry up and wait lifestyle, things don't ever seem to come easy. Including friendships! Or at least what my idea of a friendship was. I have always wanted that one person to be there! Always, without ceasing. I have always expected my "friends" to do unto me what I have done unto them." Unfortunately, for me it seems I get the short end of the stick when it comes to those types of friends. I am forgotten or tossed away when no longer needed. Or so I have felt. It is a road I feel I have traveled for years, probably because I have. IT is never easy when you are constantly moving from state to state, neighborhood to neighborhood.
I think this is why I stepped away from the military spouses clubs. I wanted to meet my forever friends. Those people that I would finally settle down with and possibly form those forever friendships a woman longs for. Those girls you can go have dinner with or go see a movie. People with the same likes and same dislikes. People that would respect me as much as I respect them. Well, that didn't work either. So I felt like I was a failure. Someone who could not have a meaningful friendship. Only recently have I began to heal from my past "friendship wounds."
I have had to remind myself I can not change the past. I can not be anyone but me. I can't make you love me. I have had to remind myself that I am a Child of God and God don't make Junk. I wear my heart on my sleeve and my love for people just won't die. I have often asked why do I care so much why Do I NEED friends? I think it comes down to having a loving, giving soul. I won't hesitate to help a friend in need. I won't hesitate to love on someone when they need a hug. So after doing a lot of thinking I began to wonder maybe I bring them on myself. Maybe I am led by God's spirit to seek those friends in need to help them. So maybe I shouldn't seek satisfaction for myself. Maybe all along I have been doing God's work?
This journey has also taken me down a new path. A path of questioning what a friend truly is and believing that a friend has several definitions.
A friend loves you for who you are, they will celebrate your achievements, and grieve when you are in sorrow. They will carry you in their prayers and give and receive love unconditionally. They know your faults and can often see past them. They know your weaknesses and often try to steer you away from them. You can vent and share your feelings and know your secrets are safe with them. You can giggle like school girls over silly mistakes you made and in the end weeks can go by and you can pick it back up again.
So here is where that old saying goes, There are different friends for different seasons of our lives. I have come to realize some come and go, never really wanting to return. IT hurts but IT WILL BE OK. Life is to short to worry about who wants to be your friend. Those who care will always be there. They will call you, send you an email just to say hi. comment on your blog just to let you know they are there, they will make their presence known. Some may only be prayer friends. Some maybe be your secret telling friends. Other's might be your shopping pal's. Be thankful for them all, each and everyone is special and when you begin to realize that, your heart will open to the idea that they are your FRIENDS. The ones you can depend on. The ones who will be there for the season/reason you need them.
Don't get caught chasing storm clouds. Don't chase those who won't love you in return, don't miss out on those who do. Instead chase them away. I got so tired of being down. Feeling like I failed as a friend. Wondering what more I could do to save what had already been dead and gone. I know I am a good person I know how hard I try to make things happen, sometimes in life there are things that are more important in our lives, not to mention life gets hard enough without trying to force something that maybe shouldn't be forced. I pray often and whatever is meant to be will be.
Thank you to all those who have weathered the storms and who have been here through the storms. I feel blessed.
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