Recovered

A great message was brought to us today by Pastor Don. The teaching came from Philippians chapter 3. I will begin with verse 8 of the ESV Bible. Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have suffered loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ.

WOW..... Speechless.

Little by little we began losing worldly possessions. Until our family hit rock bottom. We had no food, all the bills were behind, and little did we realize we had gotten so far behind on our vehicle that it would soon be repossessed. We were drowning and couldn't see how far gone we were. Thank God, because he started to open our eyes and each day they grow wider and wider. We have less than we did before material wise, but we have more eternally. We have began making memories as a family we had never made before. We take one day at a time and have realized that God is opening doors for us. It almost feels like a NEW family getting to know each other all over again. All because of one word.....

Recovered!

It is an ongoing discussion for recovering/recovered addicts some people say they are recovering and some say recovered. As I listened to Pastor Don talk about a situation he had been in, where everyone in the room said they were recovering. When it was his turn he said I am a RECOVERED ALCOHOLIC. He said everyone looked at him like they had inhaled golf balls. LOL!

Yes it is a struggle to give up an addiction. But I genuinely feel if you give it to GOD and pray over the situation that it is his and you are recovered and you don't have to claim it as yours anymore. When using the word recovering, you give way for error. You give way for excuses. I am so proud of my husband and the decision he has made to choose God and Sobriety. For me the road is a little bumpier, it is a rocky uphill battle that seems to knock me down every chance it gets. The word Codependency is not tossed around very often. Unless you are at Celebrate Recovery and in that case you will hear it several times though out the night. The word defines me:

*My good feelings about who I am stem from being loved by you.
*My good feelings about who I am stem from receiving approval from you.
*My mental attention is focused on pleasing you.
*My mental attention is focused on protecting you.
*My fear of rejection determines what I say or do.
*I use giving as a way of feeling sake in our relationship.

These are just a few of my WAYS OF THINKING. The list has about 20 different descriptions of what a co dependent person is. If I wrote down all of mine there would be over half the list posted here. I feel this way about all the people in my life.  Friends, Family, Spouse, Children! It is hard to decide who I want to please that day or who I am going to focus on. I don't know where the obsession to please everyone came from. I am hoping that as I go through step study I will be able to repair this character defect! There are times I feel I have it under control and soon after, I lose it all over again. It seems I never do anything for myself. I am always doing things to please others. So much so, that it hurts! I am so deep into this codependency thing that I feel like I play tug of war with God. I give it to him and I take it back.

 My prayer is to give to him completely. For him to turn my heart pure, so that I can help others who struggle with codependency. To be able to help women who are going through what I went through with an alcoholic husband. To be a light at the end of their tunnel. My hope is in you lord, my life is yours mold me into what you would have me to be and take away these defects that hinder my heart to become whole with you. My prayer is to one day be Recovered!