Co-Dependent with Trust Issues

So as I have said before it didn't take me long to realize I am a Co-dependent person with trust issues. Getting involved with a 12 step program was the best thing to happen to me it opened my eyes to just how "JACKED UP" I was. When I began this journey I WAS  a horrible person living in the ways of sin and trying to be everything that everyone wanted me to be. But through the steps I started seeing that I was in a downward spiral. I wanted everything the way I wanted it and that was it. I wanted my parents going to my church, I wanted my brothers going to my church, I wanted my family life and friendships to be perfect. I wanted everyone to see me as the person I saw myself as, but it seemed no matter how hard I tried things just wouldn't go my way. But that was the problem I wanted things my way, not his!

Jeremiah 29:11-13
For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will hear you. You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart.

For a short period I was living for him and it didn't take long before I tried to take it all back again. Because that is what Co-dependents do they try to play "God"  I could feel my world starting to crumble again. I could feel the war raging inside my body. I felt sorry for myself and the devil was sending people to attack me. With confrontations, with gossip, with anything he knew would hurt me. Satan comes to steal, kill, and destroy. I wish more people could understand that. All it takes is him getting one person at a time. One who kills, one who steals, one who gossips, one who seeks revenge one who wants to destroy a program for those with hurts, habits, and hang-ups. They are everywhere. The minions of deceit are there whispering in our ears trying to tell you that everything will be OK, but if you do not believe and call on our Lord and Savior you will end up in that pit of dis pare. It will leave you lonely and it will destroy you. I was there, hurting. I was questioning my purpose and why I should give my time.

My family spends most of their time in this program trying to find healing only to find opposition and defeat. My children are surrounded by drama. I was feeling overwhelmed and under appreciated. The words of others can be very hard on your spirit. It is not easy to feel wounded and unwanted at the same time. I opened my home to people, I shared my hurts, I shared my thoughts and it all came back to bite me in the behind not once but twice! So where do you draw the lines? Well for me I have to let God guide my movements and to be able to do that I need to put on his armour daily. The belt of Truth will keep me true to self and true to God. The breastplate of righteousness will remind me that I serve a risen savior and that I must reflect that in all I do, so that others may see Christ in me. The shoes on my feet will be the gospel of peace. Allowing me to feel that ever presence of God and to know that peace come from him. The shield of faith will protect me from the fiery darts thrown from opposition. The helmet of salvation is there to remind me that I am his. A child of God, a chosen one to carry the good news to others that Jesus lives and saves! Last but not least the sword of the spirit, which is the word of God. The Bible. Many stories of those who came before us who have carried the good news from afar.

So in staying the course I must find God in everything. Even when I think evil is trying to defeat me I must look to him for guidance for he knows the plans he has for me. If I believe in him (which I do) I must continue to live my life to the best of my ability but also leaning on him in my times of desperation and hurt. Looking for opportunities to share his word with others. Through not only my words, but my actions as well. My prayer is that I become smarter in the lord and that I will be able to control my emotions. That I will not hurt people, that my spirit will be one of humbleness and humility. For he first loved me, and died on the cross for my transgressions. I know this because I believe it to be true in my heart. Therefore I can live forever in his kingdom! Amen!

For God So Loved the World

¹⁶ “For God so loved the world,^[a] that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life.