Fear of the Unknown

I struggle some days with the fear of the unknown. As much as we try to look forward sometimes it is easy to get caught in that web and want to look back to see whats holding us. Our past experiences pave the way for our reactions to the future. When someone hurts us we put our guard up to protect us from heartache. When people break promises or break our trust, we tend to isolate as a way of protecting ourselves. We even have the option in social media to delete people or block them from our lives. It has happened to me a few times and it is a pretty rough thing to go through. Not saying in some cases I didn't deserve it. I know I can be a pain in the butt. But isn't everyone. In this overly sensitive world it's hard to find people who haven't been hurt by EVERYONE or at least someone. People hide behind objects IE: cell phones, ipods, ipads, computers and don't take the time to work things out anymore. Instead of talking it over the words become harsher in black and white.

I was going through my Pinterest boards and happened to see a pin from an old friend and I tried to pin her board and to my surprise it said I could not pin it that I had been blocked by this person. For a split second I got mad. But then I felt ashamed. I was embarrassed that my actions that took place over a year ago lead to that.  I had gotten under their skin so much they had to block me from a Pinterest Board, or rather all of them. I tried to apologize a few times but It wasn't enough. Am I truly sorry for what I did? Yes I am. I said some very hurtful things and I criticized something she took a lot of pride in. I was not a good friend and I was so caught up in false friendships that I could not even see how I was behaving. The saddest part is I was not in a close relationship with God at the time. Life without him was miserable. We were trying so hard to do so much on our own. Even when it came to our friendships, our neighborhood, and our church. We were bouncing around and not taking the time to be still and listen to him. Our lives feel so much better now. Its amazing how complete you feel when you are serving God. I will miss those people who made a choice to walk out and some of those who I pushed out of my life. But it reminds me of these verses:

Ecclesiastes 3

3 There is a time for everything,

   and a season for every activity under the heavens:                                                  ² a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,
³ a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,
⁴ a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,
⁵ a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
⁶ a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,
⁷ a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,
⁸ a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace.