There are times when life gets us down. There are times when we struggle to understand those around us. For me this has become even harder the more I become involved in church. I love my church, I love the people, and I love the message we are carrying out. But from time to time I am taken back by people's arrogance. The thought that they can do it all and MUST do it all. The truth is the world is full of controlling people, even in the church. The hard part is knowing whether it is intentional, or if these people really think they are helping the situation.
The message shared today at church was one of hope. Hurting people hurt people. Some may ask how is that helpful. For me it reminds me of times when I have acted out because I was hurt. We come across as being mean, spiteful people, when all we really want to do is be helpful. The problem with that is we are NOT being helpful. Too many people try to place blame at other peoples door steps. They are hurting and instead of looking to God to make them whole again they search and seek others to tear down. Using words and actions as weapons.
Colossians 3:8 ESV
But now you must put them all away: anger, wrath, malice, slander, and obscene talk from your mouth
There is a famous quote from a movie that still rings true today: If you can't say something nice don't say nothing at all! Thumper hit the nail on the head.... yes the quote is from a child's movie and it should be so simple for adults to be able to grasp this concept but the truth is most don't.
I once worked for a lady who was the queen of what I would call backhanded compliments. She would say something nice, then follow it up with something so spiteful that you would regret even walking into her presence. This happened on a regular basis, not to just me but several other employees I knew. It made the workplace miserable. It made people walk on eggshells. She was very controlling and manipulative. It was hard to walk away from a job that I loved, but I knew my soul was growing weary from a constant battle of wits with her. I don't regret my decision.
I try to be the opposite. Sometimes I know I can be harsh with my words but I try my hardest not to be spiteful. I try not to let other people bother me and realize that everyone is jacked up in their own way, but it is so hard when you feel people are on a personal attack towards you or your family. As a teen my youth pastor shared this verse with us and it became one I really began to love.
Proverbs 16:24 ESV
Gracious words are like a honeycomb, sweetness to the soul and health to the body.
If you use kind words to someone, most likely they are not going to get mad at you. They are probably going to smile, they may try to deflect a compliment but will hold on to those words and see some truth in them. I know for myself when I am complimented it makes me feel loved. It makes me feel like I matter. It makes my cup runneth over and in turn makes me want to share the kindness. When people are mean or spiteful towards me it hurts my heart and in the past I have found myself in backlash, trying to hurt others and be spiteful right back.
But then I remember what my God has told me
Matthew 11:28-30 ESV
Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.”
James 4:6 ESV
But he gives more grace. Therefore it says, “God opposes the proud, but gives grace to the humble.”
Right now I am learning humble. It has not always been one of my strongest characteristics, but we all have room for growth in our daily walk, and this is where I want to begin. If I let others steal my joy I am no better than those who are casting stones. If I chose to talk about them, sharing with others how much they hurt me and refrain from speaking to the actual source then I am no better than them. God tells us to forgive those who have harmed us in any way, not once, not twice, but 77 times!
Matthew 18:21-22
21 Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?”
22 Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.
It is so HARD! My flesh wants to be angry! I want to yell! WHY DO YOU KEEP DOING THIS? Why do you feel the need to control and manipulate? Why my family? Who do you think you are?
But then I realize I have only forgiven a handful of times.......Looks like I got a long way to go, but I am thankful God is by my side and that his grace is sufficient in times like these. So at this time I am praying for those around me. I am praying for those who continuously hurt us. I am praying for great intervention from God. But mostly I am praying for him to humble me so that I am quick to remember that Hurting people hurt people!
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