Recovery

I have learned so much, over this past year. This is my husband and I with his one year chip in hand for Sobriety, this took place last month. As a matter a fact we are coming up one 13 months of sobriety. :) Yes this makes me very happy. What makes me even happier is that my husband and I both have a HEART for this ministry and how could we not? I mean aside from GOD this place is where its at. I have healed and grown so much. Some people see it and some don't but that is ok, because its MY RECOVERY.

My husband and I just returned from the East Coast Summit. This is a 3 day event where they hold workshops for training on all things CR. (short for Celebrate Recovery) To say it was amazing would definitely be an understatement. We learned so much, we were given some awesome ideas to make our CR stronger, and lastly but not least we spent 5 days with some amazing people who are on the same road to recovery.

This all started when I as ready to give up on my husband, I was ready to leave and walk away. IT didn't matter how much it would hurt me, our kids, or him. I was done. I called a few family member and told them how I was feeling how I was READY to walk. They were supportive of me and told me to do whatever I felt I needed to do. So, in a last ditch effort to save my marriage, I called his mom. The rest is now history. Mike had hurt me for years. I had in turn hurt him for years. There would be drunken phone calls from overseas that would not even be remembered the next day. There were so many argument they were countless. There was heartache and pain beyond imagine.

But God

I doubted him, I was beginning to doubt his promises for happiness and a good marriage applied to me. I had prayed and prayed for his healing with no answers. I was broken and scarred from the emotional damage that had been done. The fights, the harsh words, the broken promises, when would it end? I had made up my mind that I would end it. But when I least expected it, when I had no one else to turn to he showed up and showed out. But God came and showed LOVE, a love like no other and he showed GRACE. This grace was amazing, he began healing Mike right away. He said he did not struggle with any type of withdrawals, no cravings, and this was a man who struggled everyday, whose mind was consumed everyday with the thoughts of when and where he would buy his next beer. Beer was first and GOD was last, I think we were in the middle somewhere but could have been close to last too. So I decided to make him last in a lot of areas. Mike, that is. I tried to get closer to God but that seemed to anger Mike. It would lead to an argument anytime I tried to bring up going to church, so there were times I would just give up. I just ended up doing what I wanted to do even if it meant making bad choices in friends, the places I went, even the money I spent. I was searching for something he wouldn't give me and that was attention. I didn't look for it other men, but in friendships. I would give anything at the expense of being a people pleaser, never realizing that this was an addiction in itself.

Its called Co-Dependency

Well after many years of chasing people I didn't need in my life for whatever reason, I came to this place with my husband called Celebrate Recovery. I have yet to pick up a chip for co-dependency, but I feel I am getting very close to that moment. I have grown so much since that first day and I have left behind a lot of co-dependent traits, but there are still some I am working on. When I think about where I use to be, it makes me so humble. I was or could be a raging lunatic. I played the victim for so long, being the housewife whose husband was a drunk. I blamed him for everything. Although I rarely spoke badly of him so people will always say, "I had no idea." Oh I'm so sorry I didn't know." Was this being a good wife or was it setting myself and our marriage up for failure? Looking back both. I didn't know who I could trust and when I finally did trust someone it did no good at all. I felt like I had revealed our family secret to a young naive person in a place of power that did nothing. I didn't speak to friends until the end when it was getting so very bad and they pretty much brushed me off, I found out that most people are good with being your friend unless you have problems. Then they only want you around when things are good. So many lessons learned and I am thankful for every one, as now I can identify the real people. The people who aren't perfect and will be there for me no matter what. The people who have bad days, the people who still makes mistakes. The people who realize that this world is just a temporary home. I am blessed to now have a forever family.

One of those PEOPLE!

If you are thinking I am not one of "those people" then think again. Lust, Greed, Gambling, Alcohol, Drugs, Codependency, Loss, Depression, Grief, Anxiety, Sexual abuse, Physical abuse, Mental abuse, Pornography, Suicide, Same, Fear, Eating disorders, Obsession, Perfection, Sexual issues, Anger, if you deal with any of these and probably anything else you could think of, you would benefit from Celebrate Recovery. I believe it to be true. If it helped me, it can help you. Please don't think that oh yeah my husband should go, but I don't need to or vice versa. I didn't think I needed help with anything, I was there to support my husband. I soon realized, I needed help just as much as my husband did. I started a Step Study the same time my husband did with the intention of just wanting to know what he was doing, what he was learning. It became very healing for my soul and now I look forward to seeing and sharing with my step sisters in Christ. If you have any questions about the ministry please don't hesitate to ask. I would be glad to share.