Say what you need to say....

Years ago this seemed to be the most annoying song I had ever heard. Maybe it's because I was stuck in a car with someone who REALLY annoyed me for 16 hours and I was reminded every hour of just how much I wanted to say what I felt! Luckily, I bit my tongue and well looking back it is funny, and yes I got the last laugh. I also found myself watching a movie sometime after and crying at the same words that seemed to mean so much, in another context.

I am not perfect. Never said I was. I find in times of intense frustration I struggle most with my identity. I believe in God. He is my savior and I truly live my life to be one of a caring compassionate person. But then someone comes along and tells me "you feed off of drama." That "everything you write is begging for attention." That I "throw religion down others throats." Wow its tough even writing it now. It's hard because they don't know my life, they only see my Facebook life. They have no clue what is going on in my real life. I try not to give up, to give in to the devil and his ploys but sometimes we just have to let people go.

Harsh words, yet my heart and my God tells me to love them. I do love them. Words are such a powerful thing. They can make us feel great pleasure or they can make us feel great pain. I try my best to make my words sweet, but there are times when I taste them and they are very bitter. I have had to apologize for my words, and I have been apologized too. But something I have learned along the way is you can never take them back. Once they are there its like an invisible scar you will always be able to see. Others won't see these scars, but the burden of them for you can be unbearable at times.

Mike and I have discovered on our road to recovery there are people rooting you on and there are those waiting for you to fail. Sad as it is, it is very true. People love misery and they like to see people when they are at their worst. Maybe it brings them pleasure to see your pain? I will never understand it but I see it all to often, from the gossip that starts the minute you TRY to do something right. Maybe its the doubt that you will succeed and when you do they have to admit they were wrong. Maybe they just don't want to accept the fact that people can change.......because the people In their lives never do. No matter what the situation is we all have to realize that we are only here for a little while. As for me, I want to live it to its fullest with no regrets. I don't want to waste time on petty arguments over who is more mature than whom. I want to be kind, I want to live for Jesus, and I want peace in my life. With that being said if I irritate you that much please don't follow my blog, please delete yourself from my Facebook, and please just let me live my life.

We were riding in the car the other day when my husband said look around you, just look around. I did I looked at all the cars around me, from clunkers to really nice cars. He said "we are truly blessed our problems are minimal." "You never know what any of these people could be going through right now." From that day forward I took a different approach, well until our world began to crumble. Life is not always what it seems to be and maybe you are the ones looking in on us right now, thinking your problems are minimal. All I know is right now we are in a day to day battle. But maybe if you asked, or actually cared you would know that.