Jesus Makes all the Difference

Galations 6:9

 Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.

It's so easy for me to get caught up in the woes of life. I get mad at people, my feelings get hurt (very easily) and then I isolate. I know the world does not revolve around me. That is very obvious cause if it did I would get my way with everyone. I would be able to please everyone and I would not feel like giving up.

I have been struggling recently with life. Trying to understand where, why, and how some things went so wrong in my life. Especially relationships. I am not sure where this want need to be accepted began. The need to satisfy and make everyone happy, everyone but me. I know there are changes I  need to make in me. I can at least see some of the things I do wrong and I am no longer in denial of those things.  I recently made big changes in my life. I made choices that I felt for my own sanity were needed. It turns out that for me they were very good choices. But soon found out that those choices were not good for others. I offended people, I changed peoples view of me, and in the end people were removed from my life. It seems to be a pattern. Some how the people I share my life with seem to grow weary and walk away. Some with good reason and some with no reason at all.

Many months ago someone wrote to me and said "time changes things, people change." She was right. For some reason we as a society (well most of us) have become so busy that we don't focus on or remember the "good ole days!" I remember as a child going to my Great Aunt's house every year for Easter. I think I shared those times before. They are some of the greatest childhood memories, I have. Family would come from all over, North Carolina, Tallahassee, Jacksonville, and we would all meet at this fairly small farm house deep in the middle of Lawtey. We would eat, fellowship, and make memories. Everyone seemed so happy. Everyone shared the irreplaceable gifts of conversation, time, and love. The only one of those that could be captured and frozen in time is conversation if it was recorded. Of course love will live on long after the loved one is gone, but time is something you can never get back. Once it's gone, it's gone forever! WE don't get any do overs!

With that being said it's no wonder people grow weary in this world. There are no more Easter's at the great aunt's house as a matter of fact there is nothing to look forward to anymore. It even seems like the days that use to be important aren't anymore. Birthdays, Anniversaries, even Holidays don't hold any value. We do things out of necessity, not out of nicety. We do things because we feel we have too, instead of doing because we want too. Then the hard part comes....... We play the nicety game and are never thanked for going out of our way to love someone or do something thoughtful and it hurts. It stings like a bee. Then it begins to eat at you like a cancer. "Why didn't they say thank you?" "Was what I did not good enough?" "Why do I go out of my way?" "What's the point, what's the use?" "I give up!" It is a vicious cycle for me. My heart gets tied up in what ever I do. When I feel like I have failed or let people down its a horrible feeling. So I try to please everyone, I forgive everyone, and I love everyone. I try hard to make everyone happy and when I fail it feels like my world is crumbling around me. I feel like a failure. I feel inadequate. I feel ALONE!

My daughter asked earlier today "Daddy what's today?" My husband responded "It's a new day."
It is indeed! Every day we are alive is a NEW day to start fresh. Some times we need the reminder as to what we are working towards. For me as a Christian I know I am working towards heaven. To walking streets of beauty with no more worries. Once I am dead and gone I know my life is complete. I will either be rejoicing with others who have gone before me in heaven or I will rot away and not have a care in the world either way, I want to live my life to its fullest and stop relying on others for sanity. I know I will fail at this..... I have numerous times. But I feel like today was a new day a fresh start. My prayer is that I don't grow weary and I don't give up because I want my life to leave a legacy. I don't want to be the person who couldn't keep it together and struggled with identity issues. I don't want perfection, I just want acceptance for who I am everyday, not just the days I am tolerable!