Why force it?

I came to a point in my life where I got tired of forcing it. Whether it was family or friends. Each day I feel more and more comfortable with walking away. No one should ever feel like they are not important enough, not loved, not cared for, or even a disappointment. I got tired of being that person. I made new friends and even welcomed a few old friends back into my life. Only to be hurt again. This is why I build walls. I try to be nice to people. I try to be a sincere person. But in the end being me is never enough.

1 Corinthians 10:12

So, if you think you are standing firm, be careful that you don't fall!

So many times we think we have it all together. Life is going great, healing is taking place and it seems that nothing can go wrong. Then somehow it happens the ground begins to shake and earth begins to crumble. The thought of everything being perfect is gone and life shows you just how easy it is to take you away from God. I wish I could say I was one of those people who clings to him in the dark times. But I am not. I wish something in me would just snap and I could be that person. I guess I care too much sometimes. I care about the other person, sometimes more than I care about myself.

I question every detail of what we go through daily. I know I need to give it to God, but for my own selfish reasons I hold onto it with every fiber of my being. What does that do? It builds a stronghold on me and destroys my mind, taking me to dark thoughts and dark places. I feel silenced and I feel like the people who know lack compassion. I feel as if life is just a cruel joke, just waiting for us all to be happy. It's only then we get pounced on and reminded that life sucks and people really don't care. In your vulnerable state you share and in turn they take your thoughts, your words and use them against you. Not even knowing the burden you carry.

I am just tired of hurting and tired of being the one everyone leaves behind.......