I feel so empty!

Being a mom can be so tough. I don't know about you, but I often question if I am doing 80% of parenthood right. Obviously I am not doing it alone but adding homeschooling to the mix just adds to my questionable status. Before the move I began to feel heavy. It seemed like little things here and there started piling on. Until I get to this point. The point where I feel the weight is unbearable.

My breaking point!

This time my body broke. I try to tell myself not to worry about tomorrow but for whatever reason I have become that person who worries about everything, every minute, sometimes to the point that it consumes me. At first I was taking it all in stride thinking "I got this!" "No Worries!" But this time it was just too much. Anyway I have been sick all week fevers, aches, headaches. I think it was my body's way of rejecting the negativity and stress I had been holding on to.

So today I was starting to feel better. I have been out of the bed most of the day and my energy level has been much better.  I got a lovely email sharing some great compliments with me that made me feel great. It gave me the drops in my bucket I so desperately needed. But then my husband asked my daughters how they liked their new school and if they wanted to go back to their old school.

>>>SIGH<<<

Of course their response is they don't like it and they want to go back to their old school and I instantly wanted to cry. It felt like at that very moment someone had stamped parenting fail across my forehead. Let's add to the fact that there is a "mean boy" in Lauren's class who calls her "fat" and tells her "you have a fat head." It breaks my heart when they go through hard times. It hurts me when I feel like my choices have hurt them. Could I have searched for a place that would have kept us near or in their own school? I did. Did I not look hard enough? Am I really following God's Plan? Is this apart of God's plan? So many questions and no one has the answers really. All I know is it seems my stress level is over the top and just when I think my bucket is beginning to fill up it gets knocked over again.

Have you ever been there? What do you do when stress seems to overrun your thoughts? I know most people in my circle would say pray. Read the Bible. I don't know where to begin. I really feel like when I try to pray the thoughts creep in about what I am stressed about and I completely refocus on that and lose focus on my prayer. As far as reading the Bible I want to read something purposeful, not just read. Sometimes I feel like I need a Bible for Dummies if there is such a thing.

I guess the good thing to focus on is tomorrow is a new day, but instead most nights it strikes fear into my heart about the new days ahead.

I just want to be Happy! I just want to feel genuine Joy again! I want to have a full Bucket. I want to be a bucket filler! The video below was a book that we read at a school I worked at. Even as an adult you can take away a great message. Our words mean so much more than we realize. Which are you a bucket filler, or are you the person emptying the buckets?