Ok, so I know it's only been a week since I shut it down. Face book that is. I will admit I am weak,and I have peeked. Only to have disappointment rear it's ugly head again. What can I say? I am a sensitive person. Moving back to Florida I thought I would still have all those old friendships I had once had. Seems I was wrong. The people I once adored became those who have moved on without me. My Aunt Laura was right when she said friends are not just a "click." My husband has even questioned some of the "friends" on my face book. Friends are there for you no matter what, and when you act like an idiot, well they tell you to your face you are acting like an idiot.
There was a time when I had posted a quote on my page and it was not directed towards anyone, but someone called me on it. IT made me feel so small. I felt horrible that I had made her upset by simply re posting something that someone else had posted to begin with. Sometimes the whole world of Face book can get out of control. Words can get misinterpreted and appear to mean one thing, but in all reality mean something totally different. Do I see now that all of what happened last week was probably a huge misunderstanding. Of course I do. Was I having a bad week, yes. Did I do damage, yes. Can I repair it, right now I am thinking probably not. If I could say 1,000,000 sorrys it probably wouldn't be enough. So what did I learn from this week? I learned that there are gonna be times when we make mistakes that we can never recover from. The friends and even family members you thought would be there forever will one day walk away and never look back. I have learned that emotional outbursts on face book, are childish even though I am 33, it's not my party and I can't cry if I want too. Meltdowns are not appreciated by everyone. So if you are a narcissist that has bouts of depression you probably shouldn't blow up on face book.
I won't make excuses for what happened last week. Bur I will say try walking in my shoes. I know most of you know, as you are military wives or have been. It's not always easy. Mike, knows I love him with all of my heart. But he has recently been moved to a late shift. It is hard on everyone. Lack of sleep has us all out of whack. Now we hear next week it will be a 12 on 12 off week. Which means even less sleep. not to mention we still have not heard if Mike will deploy, and the first planes usually leave the weekend of Thanksgiving. These stresses mounting on the already there everyday stresses, make me lose my mind well at least once a year. Unfortunately, I am not good at coping with stress. I have tried walking and yesterday I hurt my ankle. I try to blog but there are days I feel like "Debbie Downer." (Check Saturday night Live Skits on you tube) I promise one day there will be alot less stress in our lives. Until then I will continue to be me. Keeping my few readers updated on the ups and downs of my life.
God made me strong enough to endure 5 deployments. He made me strong enough to deliver my first daughter with my mom and my best friend by my side during one of those 5 deployments. He made me strong enough to help other spouses get through their trials as an Ombudsman. He made me strong enough to pick myself up, to look my sadness in the face and say you will not defeat me. It really bothers me that time changes relationships. Family and friends alike become too busy for each other. It's heart breaking. I guarantee there are people at every funeral in town that wished they would have had more time. Why wish for that when you can have it. Is the laundry really that important? Is your house really that messy? Do you really have to watch that television show? Maybe if we reached out more to those we loved and kept those relationships close we wouldn't be hurt by words. Because their actions would speak louder than the words that had hurt us. I hope that one day forgiveness will mend some of the relationships in both mine and Mike's lives, before its too late. Life is too short. Mend a heart before it's too late.
Forgive yourself for your faults and your mistakes
and move on.
Les Brown
It's all I can do, I have made my apologies the best I can for now. Now it's time to move on.
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