My imperfections

Change is a good thing! Right?

I decided to make changes to my blog as I feel big changes are coming my way. My husband and I just went through a very rough period. Of course the lessons learned were worth all the pain and to be truthful I know that pain is not over. But with GOD all things are possible. So we will prevail and I know the lessons that are ahead of us are what will keep us strong, in knowing that our imperfections will never become perfect but that we can learn from them. Without going into great details, I will say that our finances were less than perfect, but now they are looking better than they have in years. We have paid off a lot of debt and are continuing to do so.

It seemed the very moment I decided to leave my job, we were slapped in the face with a large amount of debt, that had to be paid. We were given a due date and an ultimatum. It was scary to say the least, but we put our heads together and came up with a plan of action. I spent 2 days on the phone trying to get answers and trying to resolve the matter and felt the weight of the world on my shoulders while doing it. But now I can say I am at peace with the matter and debts are being paid off daily.

This was one of the reasons I decided to change the blog. I am less than perfect. My blog has always reflected that. I don't think much of myself. After deciding to leave my job, I was minutes from spiraling into depression. Although I wanted to feel irreplaceable I wasn't. It hurt me bad to know that. It still hurts, but I think I needed this time to find me.  Have I don't that, no not yet..... still trying to find who I am and who I want to be. I want to be that person that people think of on a regular basis and I want to be that person that people pick up the phone to call. I don't want to be the 5 wheel. I want to gain a confidence in myself and believe in me. Because it seems very obvious that very few people do. Besides if you don't love yourself, how can you expect anyone to love you in return? But maybe that is the problem? Maybe I don't want to be loved. Maybe I set myself up for failure to try and prevent myself from getting hurt. I just wish I could be me, the only problem is I don't know who that is?