Purpose

Life is not always what we expect it to be. Even when we bare our soul to the world it seems there will always be people around that will try to hurt you or cut you down to size. There will be those people who will try to use those hurts, habits, hang ups to try and make you feel that pain that once consumed you. I know I am not perfect. I know my past is not completely something to be proud of but I also know that I am working to make a better life for ME. I know that Christ is in me and I am forgiven.

Each step of the 12 Step program I am in brings me step closer to the person I want to be. It shows me God is with me and it shows how I let others consume my life. I still get my feelings hurt. I still am the one that gets the shaft when it comes to friendship. I still am ME. "Me" will only change so much, with that being said "ME" is not changing for anyone but me! I am not changing to have more friends. I am not changing to be that person everyone else wants me to be. I am changing from the inside out with God by my side. The season of my life and friendships may change but my heart will endure.

I am an AWESOME person, I am fearfully and wonderfully made! I wasted too many years worrying about so many things and people that didn't matter. I don't want to spend it that way anymore. Instead I want to invest in whats real. My husband, my children, my parents, my siblings, my church, my relationship with Christ, and my recovery from co-dependency. Nothing else matters anymore. Because I am tired of hurting, I am tired of being left out, I am tired of manipulative people who try to hurt you and then act like they care for you.

My prayer is that God will make his purpose for me known so that I may be able to have a busy mind! I feel like if my mind is busy my heart won't have time to be hurt. Probably not the right way to go about it but it seems better than putting myself out there time after time to be hurt.